Yes, teen girls can be drama queens, but mom’s can be drama mamas.

“What are you talking about? It’s my daughter’s fault. She is rude, disrespectful, and defiant.”

I know it’s easy to focus on your daughter’s behavior, but it’s easy for mom’s to join the drama dance and escalate the drama.

Now I am not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.

But moms need to take responsibility for their part in the drama dance. I am a mom of a teen and I know how easy it is to get hooked in the drama. But here is the good news.

When you take responsibility for your part, you can avoid a majority of the drama with your daughter.

The drama will dissipate quickly when you refuse to join the drama dance.

It takes two to do the drama dance. This is why it’s important to know how you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It’s a reaction. You react because you are afraid, frustrated, or she makes you feel like a failure.

The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama

1. Lose Control

Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you know it, your feel the fire welling up in your belly. You are in touch with your inner warrior. You’ve had it, and you are ready to put her in her place, but you lose control.

You lose control of your words, judgment, and actions.

Result: When you lose control, it gives your daughter permission to lose control. This creates a downward cycle that creates a whole new set of problems.

What you can do about it: Take a break. Go to the store. Walk around the block. Take a shower. You need time to calm down.

2. Escalate the Arguing

Avoid arguing at all costs. It is not a conversation; it’s a power struggle where there is going to be a winner and loser. It’s a battle to the finish.

Your daughter will try to get what she wants by arguing with you.

She will use her teenage logic which is really code for “I will argue with  Dramacool  you till you let me do what I want.”

She will throw things at you like, “You hate my friends.” If you take the bait and start defending and arguing why you don’t hate her friends, she will continue to argue with more passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She will throw everything at you to get her way.

Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really is not open to what you have to say. She just wants her way. Because these arguments are so frustrating and irrational you are bound to lose it in bigger ways.

What you can do about it: Wait for a time when both you and your daughter are calm. This is your best chance to have a conversation. When one person is upset it will turn into an argument.